can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
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It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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