I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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