Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
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You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
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You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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