no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
