it's too hot outside to masturbate.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
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