I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
