the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
