Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
