I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
