Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
