...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
