we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
it was like eating out sand paper
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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