We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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