you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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