I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I think my moral compass just broke
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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