My nipple is on Facebook.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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