at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
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