I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
