I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Sober January is a disaster.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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