OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
