I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
