Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
