So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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