So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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