My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
