just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
they're like a gay fantastic four
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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