We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
