I love black thongs
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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