The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
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They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
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I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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