Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
