Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
