you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
