dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
