I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
