Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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