hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
