I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
