I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
