I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
