Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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