Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
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