I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
