You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
