Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
