sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
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