What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
