I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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