fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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