Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize