apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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