My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
