it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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