yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
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We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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