Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
