I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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