quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
