Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
