You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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