You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
