Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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