Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
