You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
