But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
