He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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