2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
