i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
