You smell like a Billy Joel song
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
