I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just want to make out with him forever
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize