$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I wish you could order shots online.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
