Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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