things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
