All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
